The Problem with Society and the Opposite Gender-Purity (Part One)

A problem with our society is that we do not know how to interact with others. The most troubling aspect of this problem is that we act like butterflies, flirting to another guy or girl when we have 'tried' and 'checked' others out. The average teenager, is immature, absolutely confused, and when we place these factors into a setting where the opposite sex is, then naturally, chaos and disturbance will arise. It is no wonder why so many girls are pregnant these days, or why young boys are becoming fathers, or are addicted to pornography. Yes, our world is so brainwashed, thinking that just because you have entered the 'teen' years that you need a boyfriend or a girlfriend, as well as that your interaction with the opposite sex has to be more 'mature' than when we were in preschool. It is at this point, perhaps around 13 that our peers begin pressuring us to be more active around the opposite sex and open up around them, talk on the phone for a long time, email, facebook, etc., and then they get even more bold and go on dates and all the sort. When someone tells me that they just went on a date, I don't even have to think twice, my blood is boiling, I'm annoyed, and have to work on myself to not rage in anger! It almost seems as if a guy or girl finishes their middle school years and enters high school and the first day they are already standing at a door of troubles. Oftentimes a girl's reaction toward a guy in high school is throwing herself at him in ways such as on his shoulders, piggyback rides, and all the sort. Now, a guy's action toward a girl is perhaps poking her stomach, tickling her, etc. So, it is not a wonder why there is so much confusion and chaos displayed in a high school, or is it? We're talking about hundreds of guys and girls ages 14-18 in one building, around each other for 8 hours a day! Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to be around the opposite sex, but being alone around them is where I'm getting at. Girls who are 13 are appearing to be 17, and this qualifies for a guy as well, all because they follow the trend of their peers, the pop stars, actors/actresses, and they are blinded in the foolishness and chaotic mess. Sexual intimacy is done at young ages, believing that they are in desperate and deep love, but only finding themselves disgusted the next evening, and thus they go on to the next girl/guy. Ok, this next part may be a little open, however, I'm going to say it.

Girls, because of your actions, decorum, dress, and conduct, guys are falling over you. They basically see you as a sex object and nothing else. Wanting you for his desires and pleasure. He may mess around with you, use you up sexually, and then throw you away after he's done and fulfilled his sexual desires. Yes, it's the truth, and so many don't want to hear it because it hurts. And guys, I pity you, the way these girls are coating themselves these days is disgusting, and it may be very hard for you to block off those images and control those sexual desires, although, by the grace of God, you can rid it off, and you can become a set-apart guy. This means that you're completely, absolutely, different from all of the hormone, out of whack, sex-crazed guy! I may have just spoken out of my authority, I'm sorry if I have, however, speaking of such things is what I desire, because there is such a need to hear the truth about purity.

Many fight and war against the issues about their actions and conduct toward the opposite sex. I have had many girls come up to me, practically crying in agony and saying, "How can I act around him without coming across as interested, because I'm not!" Yes, this is a problem with our society. Many times people think just because we're talking to him or her that we have a certain 'thing' going on. If you intend to do all things blamelessly, without impurity, then block off those comments. BUT, if you achieve purposefully to get his/her attention, gaze, touch, then you need to reevaluate your heart and think if this is correct in the sight of God. Do you honestly desire to be sexually active, is this a reason why you are such a flirt? It's such a mess, girls believing that they have to dress or act this way just to get his attention, and guys thinking that they have to act cool and macho just to get his girl to look and daze upon him! I will share from my side now.
When I am around guys, I don't purposefully attempt to be a flirt, joke around, or try to be the center of attention. Yes, I DO love to joke around, however, keeping a complete balance to keep things under control. If things get out of control, then others may get the impression that she (me) is all for the attention and affection. It is a daily struggle for many, but talking to God is the greatest thing.

Why does our society face such challenges when around the opposite sex? Why can't we just all act normal? Because, we have this hormone inside of us that says, "Oh wow, he's so cute, or she's so hot!" And when we cannot keep that under the belt, that's when relationships and friendships get our of hand. The world teaches its teens to be in the latest trends, watch the latest movies, magazines, and even have a girl/boyfriend just to be cool. Have sexual intimacy just to say you did it before 18, and make sure that you go every weekend on a date and if it begins to get boring, dump your girl/boyfriend, there are plenty more in this world! Yes, this is true, it's just so sad that so many, Christians as a matter of fact are fogged and cannot see the sin. I have talked with many girls who claimed to be Christians, went to church, etc., and yet wanted a boyfriend badly, wanted to waste their first kiss, and didn't even know what courtship was! One girl said, "Oh, courtship, isn't that the old style, where you stay reserved and practically talk to the guy with a wall in between?" No, it does NOT have to be like that. We can engage ourselves in a pure manner and converse with the other gender, we don't have to be reserved completely, nor nervous or thinking just because we said two words that it was a sin! It is the way you act, the way you intend to come across. Your actions speak louder than words, and yes I stole that from the Bible!

Many people have told me that I sound just like an author, Leslie Ludy, because she is so open. And I'm sorry if I came across as to blunt in this post, I just can't stop myself from not opening the eyes of the young adults. Sexual immorality is an abomination to God, he abhors it. He doesn't just not like it, he HATES it! I have conversed with a young man before, and when I do so, I am always on target, making sure that I have not crossed the line, and have not talked about nonsense such as, whatcha doing, etc. Don't talk about filthy subjects, things which dishonor God and topics which would shock your parents. Converse in a Christ-like manner, making a statement that you don't have to have a girl/boyfriend, and you can talk with the opposite sex in a group of others. Now, personally, I advise young ladies, or gentlemen, to not be alone in a conversation. Things could go a tad out of hand, and you will never forgive yourself, just as a side note. Ladies, if you haven't noticed, guys these days are declining, what I mean by this is that they are becoming weaker and mocked at because so many say that they don't have a back bone and don't know how to be a leader. It is up to you to encourage them in all purity, to make them regain that masculinity and the divine purpose God has for them, such as being a strong leader. Guys, encourage and thank your godly friends who are young ladies for dressing differently and living their life with all purity, don't just think of it as normal, thank them for it. We all need each other, we need to stand together to set the Christian role and not be ashamed of it. Also, girls do not be the initiator of a conversation for relationship. Do not go up to the guy alone and personally, even when you want to tell him something very important which is random to you, it brings a message across that you are stronger in character and are undermining his authority. Allow him to be the one to lead on in a relationship and let him be the one who initiates it; and guys treat a young lady with respect, not like a piece of garbage just available for sexual desires. She is far more worth, and it takes a time to win her heart, guard your heart, each one of you! Please, everyone do not misunderstand me that I'm saying you have to completely away from the opposite gender, this is not what I'm saying, just be on caution and use the biblical principles.

Lift up your hands, look up, cry up, and He is right there. God is just waiting for you to break down, give Him the pen, and He will write your love story. He can write the most beautiful pages and poems about you. Even if you think you will never get married, and you believe that you have to help God, please don't, do not get in His way, He has something so great for you. More of this will be discussed in the upcoming posts, as I will hit singleness, and the greatest question, "What if I don't get married?" Well, may God bless you as you continue to strive for a godly character and life!

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

His Servant,

Vanessa

Adressing Purity: Introduction

Purity, is this a topic which strikes many of you? I have heard from many young people about their struggles and ongoing tests about this area in life. It is as if it is something always occurring daily perhaps. I have been confronted with questions from young girls, asking me, some almost begging me for answers to just have a clear and pure mind. The thought of that comes upon me as almost heart breaking, because so young are these girls and they already are having to go through such struggles and pains of immoral and sinful thoughts. Recently, I have been asked this question and this certain question rises among many of the girls that I converse with. It is such a question which is bewildering, confusing, dazzling, and plain out confusing. Yes, this post, as I am writing it will be about purity once again, because there is such a need of this talk. So many young teenagers battle with this, Christian or not. It is something that many do not know how to handle and deal. Thus, the question which is brought up is, "How do I interact with the opposite sex?" That is perhaps the biggest and most strongest struggle many have. I speak for myself. Many times I ask my own mind, "Is this gesture or behavior appropriate, or am I going a tad too far?" I am saddened by our culture and the way society conducts itself. There are millions of young teenagers who do not know a thing about purity. They just take the step, out of their box and do the wrong thing. Having physical intimacy at such a young age. They do not know how to converse and interact with others, they believe they do, however, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, they don't. They are just a whole bunch of hormone-troubled-confused-teenagers! This may sound bold, harsh, and even weird. Yes, I am a bold and outspoken person, and just as one of my friends mentioned the other day, in this world Vanessa, you're going to have to stand up and be different if you want the truth to be spread. So, lets battle this question and take it down; how do I interact with the opposite sex, what is too much and what is too little?

Well, to begin with, whatever you're doing is that appropriate in the eyes of God? Second, when we say, 'what is too much' then basically we are already stepping over the boundaries and not following the biblical principles. What does God say about the opposite sex, and how are we to deal with them, because they are there. Almost everywhere you go, there is either a guy or a girl, and maybe they're some really interesting guys and girls, perhaps good looking, and breath taking. Although, what is God saying about this? "Flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart."(2 Tim. 2:22) Ah, it says it right there, right in Timothy, FLEE, God commands us to not just back off and touch it lightly, but rather to FLEE! Wow, that is powerful! What are we to flee from? Youthful lusts, such things as pornography and sexuality. If you are weak to such things, then by all means do not surround yourselves with such temptations. I know that some guys are feeble and not strong at all when it comes to filthy images, and sexuality, then the best way to stop those emotions and feelings is to walk away and not return to that way and path of living. Ok, so I have drifted a little bit from the main purpose of this post, but those were some things which I had to address. Alright, conversing with the opposite sex, that's where I left off.

I know that some Christians are completely against this and command and practically dictate their children to not involve themselves with the opposite gender and to be completely biased towards them. Ok, as for myself, I cannot imagine that. I do know that it is godly to interact with the opposite sex with caution and of course other guidelines. We are not to through ourselves at them, nor purposefully want to be in their presence, or perhaps even this, email or anything else to get their attention. It is very hard not to do this. And I have admit that one of my hardest things is not to come across as too friendly and flattering. So, how are we to act and talk with the opposite gender? You may think now or even ask yourself, "Am I to be a hermit and totally isolate myself?" No, not at all, BUT, don't go the total opposite and cling to the opposite sex. Instead, act with all purity and godliness. Ask God how you are to act around a guy or girl. What is it that He qualifies and justifies. I know that it is very hard, and for some of us, it isn't at all. I have talked with both guys and girls about this, and actually, if I average it all out, the girls have the hardest struggle with this because they want to be so kind and it is very easy for a girl to become emotionally attached and attracted and also as being a girl we desire to have a prince charming and by getting to know a guy we try to find out if he is interested in us. As for guy, this is a slight difference as I had the opportunity to talk to a few guys about this. Yes, they do desire to marry, however, they do not get easily attached, but rather they have the tendency to talk about girls and also imagine however, not so seriously be ready for something major. A girl can think of her future with someone she may like in less than 5 seconds if not careful. As for a guy, this is a little bit different. He often sees a girl in a different perspective, more drawn to the girl because of her beauty. Both ways are wrong, imagining our future with someone just because he may be cute, or drawn to a girl just because of her beauty! Absurd. Believe me, I used to be like that; thinking just because he looks 'all fine' he must be fine. Nevertheless, over the years of my youth, God has changed my thinking, and I am by all means not attracted to just a simple guy, he has to be a warrior poet, one who can capture my heart with his motives and actions, not just because he may appeal to be awesome, we're talking about a person who you live with for life! Ok, so how do we treat each other in everyday life? How are we to build a healthy guy/girl friendship? What kind of conversations are honoring? Is it true that my decorum can be shown in my body language? What should I do when I'm attracted to a guy or girl? What about the fear of being single for life? And how to deal with the opposite sex whether in conversations, actions, or motives. All of this will be discussed in the weeks to come. God is the one who planted within us love and romance, so who is better than Him to turn to counsel? Alright, I just decided that I will continue with this and it will become a series.There are so many topics that I wish to touch, and it would get all to long to do it in this post. So, my fellow friends, till next time and may God bless you in the weeks to come, stay tuned!

In His honor,

Vanessa