Friday, January 22, 2010

The Problem with Society and the Opposite Gender-Purity (Part One)

A problem with our society is that we do not know how to interact with others. The most troubling aspect of this problem is that we act like butterflies, flirting to another guy or girl when we have 'tried' and 'checked' others out. The average teenager, is immature, absolutely confused, and when we place these factors into a setting where the opposite sex is, then naturally, chaos and disturbance will arise. It is no wonder why so many girls are pregnant these days, or why young boys are becoming fathers, or are addicted to pornography. Yes, our world is so brainwashed, thinking that just because you have entered the 'teen' years that you need a boyfriend or a girlfriend, as well as that your interaction with the opposite sex has to be more 'mature' than when we were in preschool. It is at this point, perhaps around 13 that our peers begin pressuring us to be more active around the opposite sex and open up around them, talk on the phone for a long time, email, facebook, etc., and then they get even more bold and go on dates and all the sort. When someone tells me that they just went on a date, I don't even have to think twice, my blood is boiling, I'm annoyed, and have to work on myself to not rage in anger! It almost seems as if a guy or girl finishes their middle school years and enters high school and the first day they are already standing at a door of troubles. Oftentimes a girl's reaction toward a guy in high school is throwing herself at him in ways such as on his shoulders, piggyback rides, and all the sort. Now, a guy's action toward a girl is perhaps poking her stomach, tickling her, etc. So, it is not a wonder why there is so much confusion and chaos displayed in a high school, or is it? We're talking about hundreds of guys and girls ages 14-18 in one building, around each other for 8 hours a day! Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to be around the opposite sex, but being alone around them is where I'm getting at. Girls who are 13 are appearing to be 17, and this qualifies for a guy as well, all because they follow the trend of their peers, the pop stars, actors/actresses, and they are blinded in the foolishness and chaotic mess. Sexual intimacy is done at young ages, believing that they are in desperate and deep love, but only finding themselves disgusted the next evening, and thus they go on to the next girl/guy. Ok, this next part may be a little open, however, I'm going to say it.

Girls, because of your actions, decorum, dress, and conduct, guys are falling over you. They basically see you as a sex object and nothing else. Wanting you for his desires and pleasure. He may mess around with you, use you up sexually, and then throw you away after he's done and fulfilled his sexual desires. Yes, it's the truth, and so many don't want to hear it because it hurts. And guys, I pity you, the way these girls are coating themselves these days is disgusting, and it may be very hard for you to block off those images and control those sexual desires, although, by the grace of God, you can rid it off, and you can become a set-apart guy. This means that you're completely, absolutely, different from all of the hormone, out of whack, sex-crazed guy! I may have just spoken out of my authority, I'm sorry if I have, however, speaking of such things is what I desire, because there is such a need to hear the truth about purity.

Many fight and war against the issues about their actions and conduct toward the opposite sex. I have had many girls come up to me, practically crying in agony and saying, "How can I act around him without coming across as interested, because I'm not!" Yes, this is a problem with our society. Many times people think just because we're talking to him or her that we have a certain 'thing' going on. If you intend to do all things blamelessly, without impurity, then block off those comments. BUT, if you achieve purposefully to get his/her attention, gaze, touch, then you need to reevaluate your heart and think if this is correct in the sight of God. Do you honestly desire to be sexually active, is this a reason why you are such a flirt? It's such a mess, girls believing that they have to dress or act this way just to get his attention, and guys thinking that they have to act cool and macho just to get his girl to look and daze upon him! I will share from my side now.
When I am around guys, I don't purposefully attempt to be a flirt, joke around, or try to be the center of attention. Yes, I DO love to joke around, however, keeping a complete balance to keep things under control. If things get out of control, then others may get the impression that she (me) is all for the attention and affection. It is a daily struggle for many, but talking to God is the greatest thing.

Why does our society face such challenges when around the opposite sex? Why can't we just all act normal? Because, we have this hormone inside of us that says, "Oh wow, he's so cute, or she's so hot!" And when we cannot keep that under the belt, that's when relationships and friendships get our of hand. The world teaches its teens to be in the latest trends, watch the latest movies, magazines, and even have a girl/boyfriend just to be cool. Have sexual intimacy just to say you did it before 18, and make sure that you go every weekend on a date and if it begins to get boring, dump your girl/boyfriend, there are plenty more in this world! Yes, this is true, it's just so sad that so many, Christians as a matter of fact are fogged and cannot see the sin. I have talked with many girls who claimed to be Christians, went to church, etc., and yet wanted a boyfriend badly, wanted to waste their first kiss, and didn't even know what courtship was! One girl said, "Oh, courtship, isn't that the old style, where you stay reserved and practically talk to the guy with a wall in between?" No, it does NOT have to be like that. We can engage ourselves in a pure manner and converse with the other gender, we don't have to be reserved completely, nor nervous or thinking just because we said two words that it was a sin! It is the way you act, the way you intend to come across. Your actions speak louder than words, and yes I stole that from the Bible!

Many people have told me that I sound just like an author, Leslie Ludy, because she is so open. And I'm sorry if I came across as to blunt in this post, I just can't stop myself from not opening the eyes of the young adults. Sexual immorality is an abomination to God, he abhors it. He doesn't just not like it, he HATES it! I have conversed with a young man before, and when I do so, I am always on target, making sure that I have not crossed the line, and have not talked about nonsense such as, whatcha doing, etc. Don't talk about filthy subjects, things which dishonor God and topics which would shock your parents. Converse in a Christ-like manner, making a statement that you don't have to have a girl/boyfriend, and you can talk with the opposite sex in a group of others. Now, personally, I advise young ladies, or gentlemen, to not be alone in a conversation. Things could go a tad out of hand, and you will never forgive yourself, just as a side note. Ladies, if you haven't noticed, guys these days are declining, what I mean by this is that they are becoming weaker and mocked at because so many say that they don't have a back bone and don't know how to be a leader. It is up to you to encourage them in all purity, to make them regain that masculinity and the divine purpose God has for them, such as being a strong leader. Guys, encourage and thank your godly friends who are young ladies for dressing differently and living their life with all purity, don't just think of it as normal, thank them for it. We all need each other, we need to stand together to set the Christian role and not be ashamed of it. Also, girls do not be the initiator of a conversation for relationship. Do not go up to the guy alone and personally, even when you want to tell him something very important which is random to you, it brings a message across that you are stronger in character and are undermining his authority. Allow him to be the one to lead on in a relationship and let him be the one who initiates it; and guys treat a young lady with respect, not like a piece of garbage just available for sexual desires. She is far more worth, and it takes a time to win her heart, guard your heart, each one of you! Please, everyone do not misunderstand me that I'm saying you have to completely away from the opposite gender, this is not what I'm saying, just be on caution and use the biblical principles.

Lift up your hands, look up, cry up, and He is right there. God is just waiting for you to break down, give Him the pen, and He will write your love story. He can write the most beautiful pages and poems about you. Even if you think you will never get married, and you believe that you have to help God, please don't, do not get in His way, He has something so great for you. More of this will be discussed in the upcoming posts, as I will hit singleness, and the greatest question, "What if I don't get married?" Well, may God bless you as you continue to strive for a godly character and life!

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23
His Servant,


Jessica Faith said...

that was one of the most beautiful posts i've ever read. honestly. you were not being too open, you were speaking the truth out of love and concern for your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank you! so much!!
and would you mind if I quoted some of that in an essay I'm writing? either leave a comment at my blog or email me (on my blogger profile).
THANK YOU And God bless

Jenna said...

Wonderful, Excellent, Encouraging post Vanessa!! Purity is so lightly handled by many, but it is not a light subject. Commiting to stay completely pure (emotionally and physically) for your future spouse is a BIG commitment, but one that you will NEVER EVER regret!!!

I'm so grateful for all of my friends in real life and blog world that encourage me in my walk of purity. We're here to encourage one another and keep each other on track with accountability;)

Great post!


Michelle said...

Excellent post Nessa! Thank you for so boldly speaking the truth that so badly needs to be heard in our generation.


R.A.~ said...

The truth hurts! Simply a wonderful post, I'm new to this blog, but I am definitely going to be sticking around to read more.


Anonymous said...

Excellent post, Vanessa!
And it's not too bold. People need to hear this!

Daniel Turack said...

Good post Vanessa! You mentioned that some girls ask you how to interact with guys without coming across as interested. I've heard the question from some girls "How do I interact with a guy if I am interested?" Just curious what you would say to them.
Daniel Turack

Maiden of Purity said...


Thanks for you comment, I always love to receive comments from guys, just to get their opinion and insight about a few things! Well, concerning your question, I will actually be posting about that in a few weeks, so, it's just a fact of waiting until that post gets up! :) That's a very good question, a hard topic to also touch, but it'll be good! Thanks for taking your time to comment.

Everyone else, thanks for your lovely insights, I appreciate each one of you and continue to be the great light in this world!

In His Name,


Adam said...

You've open a can of worms again,
I'm Glad that you have, writing about these's subject's.

This post is a Great Encouragment
to me.

post Miss Vanessa

Signed a Brother in the Lord

Daniel Turack said...

Sounds good Vannesa. If you could also make sure you cover this question to I'd appreciate it.
You said that a girl should not start a conversation with a guy but should instead let the guy start it. How should we as guys respond if a girl does begin a conversation?
And yes I'll just stay tuned to see the answers in future blog posts.
Daniel Turack

Maiden of Purity said...

Alright Daniel, I'm gonna have some questions for you too! :)

Anyways, concerning your question, that will probably be touched in the same post as your other question. However, your latest question, I will of course go in more detail because that is one which can be misunderstood. Just as a side note, it's not completely wrong for a girl to go up to a guy, nevertheless, it's the way she approaches him that could set a 'message' if you know what I mean. It's her actions and intentions which set the entire attitude. Going up to him for a random question with a pure heart...ok I'm giving my post away!


Daniel Turack said...

Sounds good Vannessa. Maybe if you could give us some things to look for that would help. Looking forward to seeing more posts.

In Christ,

Tiffany said...

Amen! Right on Vanessa! It is so encouraging to see other young people who are for letting God write their Love story! I am 17 and never had a boyfriend, and I have learned that only Jesus can satisfy and that he is the ultimate Prince of my Heart! Thanks for sharing!

Visual Addiction said...

I love seeing another women go after God! it warms my heart to the fullest! Keep on writing.. I love your work. :)

Southern Maiden said...

"Just kepp me in Your will
So I won't be in Your way"

Line from a song!

Nessa, in this day and age, where almost every moral thing is toned-down, it's almost impossible to be too bold. There are teens in America (and around the world) who are involved in almost every sexual sin imagineable, and they need the light of the Lord. Keep on! This is an awesome post!

Audra said...

Hi Vanessa, you don't know me but I have been looking for girls my age that were like-minded with my family and I. I was reading your blog and saw that we have the same views on how girls and boys should act with each other. My name is Audra Carpenter, and I would love to talk to you some!

Maiden of Purity said...

Audra, thanks for visiting and for your sweet comment. Yes, it isn't easy to find like-minded people these days, however, since I've been on the blog, I have 'met' a few! Not in person but it feels like it! :) It is always encouraging to meet those with similar views! May God bless you as you walk in HIS will and way.

Your sister in Christ,

Audra said...

Yes! It is always encouraging :) Thank-you.
God Bless you too!

Elena said...

Great post!! Yeah this topic can be really confusing. Oh BTW my cousin (who goes to a public school) promised to save herself for marriage with me. We were just talking about this subject and discussing how to keep away from the impure actions and expectations from the world.

Leslie said...


I appreciate your post. I too have been raised to save myself for marriage and to court instead of date. It's good to know there are others out there with the same convictions. One of the young men I know actually did a documentary on the whole courtship thing. It's called "To Be One". Here is the web address in case you want to check it out:

It's really good! Also I would recommend a CD by the Botkin sisters called "What our father taught us about boys". Here also is the web address for that:

I know sometimes it's nice to have things to reference when you touch on these kinds of subjects, so I just thought I'd share.


Adam said...

Sorry. I awarding you again.

Maiden of Purity said...

Adam, how are you sorry!?! lol It is a blessing to receive all of these awards! Thank you! :)

Grace said...

I love that you speak plain truth. It's what this world needs more of. I agree with every word you wrote and particularly liked the last two paragraphs, that girls should guard their heart and wait patiently for God to bring the right man into their lives. This can be such a hard thing to do and I struggle with this sometimes myself, but in the end we'll all be glad we waited for God to send each of us our "knight in shining armor". :)

Moriah said...

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!! AWESOME post Vanessa. So many young women and men are corrupting their spiritual walk with the Lord because they put boyfriends/girlfriends before our Lord and Maker.
Again, what an amazing post Vanessa.