Saturday, May 1, 2010

Courtship? Dating?-Purity (Part 3)

Last night, I went to our neighbor's house and met with some wonderful young men and ladies. It was a lovely time and evening. As I was there, I could really sense similarities and like-mindedness. I also was intrigued to see other youth who strive to live the same way. However, one incident that really sparked me was this young lady and young man. They were both 21 and I saw them talk and converse with each other for a few minutes. Afterwards, the young lady came up to me and said, "I don't want you to get the wrong impression that I may be flirting or acting immodest, this young man and I are in a courtship right now, so if we are talking with each other, it's because of that, nothing else!" I thought that that was so precious and amazing. Wanting to make a statement that she is remaining pure and blameless and that nothing else is involved. It was so encouraging to talk with this young lady; hearing her side of courtship and how it all works. One thing that she did say was, "It's not how the books portray it to be!" That is so true. Oftentimes, the books lay the issue of courtship out as perfect and that the first one, is the one and that it always works. That is wonderful if the first guy or girl is the first one, although, we need to realize that it may not be the case. Anyways, this young lady was telling me how it is a long process, not something overnight, and not a relationship which happens in 6 months and then you're heading down the aisle. We began talking about dating and how destructive those relationships are because they advance too quickly. This young lady mentioned how it often is hard and a struggle as she has been in this courtship for a year and a half now, nevertheless, she also stated how it is worth it. The biggest mistake young people make, is rushing into a relationship all too fast, and then acknowledging the mess that they are in. I know a young man who is in a mess like this. He's only 20 and has a child already.

Being a teenager or a young adult can be very devastating and hard. We may think, "Will I be single forever?" The young lady that I mentioned above said that when she was about 16 or 17, she went through a very lonely time in her life. Constantly thinking how alone she was, and yet she didn't realize back then how God was her source, her only source, and it was at that point that she came to the exact existence that He was what she exactly needed. Many times, we are discouraged for just a spilt second or moment when we see others at our age who may be holding some one's hand, or sharing a part of another's life. However, that may seem all so sweet and cute, BUT, it is not right. On the outside, it looks like pure and true love. Nevertheless, deep in their hearts, they are empty and they are looking for THAT love. Dating is damaging to a person's heart, it is like taking ones heart, trying it out, experiencing with it, and then once it is dry up and can't give anymore love, they move on to the next wet and fulfilling heart. Boyfriend or girlfriend, that's something I hear often...where is your boyfriend? what, you don't have one? because?? Questions like these are so bothersome. Why is it that everyone thinks that whether you're in high school/college, or single that you need a boyfriend/girlfriend? I find it very destructive; seeing girls who are heartbroken because they want more. Guys who are trying to find that perfect, pure, and lasting love from their girlfriend, and yet they are turned down, because no human can give that love. Love comes from the Father above, He's the one who fills that empty heart, who consumes it with His fire and life.

Dating is a destroying relationship, it takes a girl and guy into something dangerous. I have heard of young girls saying, "He wants more from me! I'm not ready!" However, they feel pressured because perhaps their friends have already done that something more. It is a competition, and these young people are boasting about it...who they have had as their date, or what they did last night. Dating attacks the wrong areas of the person, and it only reveals a person's heart and attitude slightly. Certain topics are never considered, and as the world goes on, it is getting worse. I know that my parents dated, and they wish that they could of done the courtship route, however, they didn't know. And I'm not saying that God will punish them for that, but since you know, how can you do the opposite?

Have you ever seen this advertisements on the computer? Meet attractive singles in your area! Our society has clearly shown young people that picking out a girl or guy is a simple step, and before we get serious, we just need to 'try' each other out...and then perhaps move in with each other for a few years, and make sure that we are kid free, and then get married...if we feel comfortable. The word "parent" is never involved. Many young people believe that parents are too old to be involved in our love life...leave that up to me. Courtship, on the other hand simply addresses the parents as being the main factor, interlacing their words of wisdom and their experience. Keeping that close bond relationship with our parents is very important.
Many people do not know that a strong marriage began before the wedding day. It begins by building that relationship on a godly and strong foundation. Yes, many times couples come to the Lord later on in life, and through the grace and mercy of the Lord, it develops into a strong and lasting marriage. Although, why wait? why go through all of the pain, tears, and hardship, when you can start young?
Courtship is something very serious. Married life is very serious. We cannot jump into a friendship/relationship and not be serious. The greatest help and advice that I can give anyone is to seek the Lord's guidance, wisdom, and will. That is the greatest source, and through our single years, He is the one who will never let us down. You may think that He disappoints you, but that is your own heart. You are following your dreams and desires, not the Lord's. Our parents are our godly encouragement and counsel. Dating does not please God, it does not satisfy Him when we dump or give our love to anyone. We are made with a purpose a He created us beautifully and wonderfully.

The young lady that I conversed with last evening was so joyful; she had this character of optimism on her, a joy and a peace that God was in control of it all. She also involved and did not exclude in her parents. They were, as she said, "my advisers and wisdom"!
Divorce begins when we are foolish, not following our parents or the Lord's wisdom. Yes, some didn't know, however, that is a different story. I'm referring to those who do know the difference. You are a living sacrifice, a royal priesthood, and we ought to acquire ourselves to be holy, pure, and perfect before the Lord. He is the one who will judge our every action. As I said, choosing a spouse is a very thorough act. It needs to be sought out in wisdom, and we cannot get weak. Emotional purity is something most girls I know struggle with. They became all too fast attached to someone, and then all to fast experience a broken heart when it is not God's plan.

The Lord needs to be our desire, He is the one who can and will set us free from past relationships, heartbreaks, or painful wounds.
Oftentimes, it may take a 'fast' from a certain person. If you are struggling with a certain lady/guy, it may take strength or boldness to back away. Sharing our struggles, desires, or dreams with our parents or godly guardians is such a relieve. It takes that burden off of us, and it opens the door to something so special and personal. God loves us, and He cares about your love life. He wants the greatest thing for you, and if He has called you to be single, then so be it. That may be something so hard to swallow an accept, nevertheless, His purpose, is so worth it.

May the Lord's peace, guidance, and love be with each one of you! Whether you are going through some relationship, courtship, or just being a single guy or girl right now, dedicate each and every hour to the glory of God. And if you are one who has been in a dating experience, or are dating, please don't take my word for everything which I stated. Seek the Lord's counsel, and your own heart. Do you feel comfortable? Are your actions, conduct, or characteristics pleasing the Lord? It is a hard thing, and we all need to realize our mistakes, and even courtship can be done in the wrong way. However, when we follow the Lord's exact plan, it will be beautiful. We may have those scars, however, you don't have to be knocked down forever!

"Let no man despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

For Him and Him only,
Vanessa


4 comments:

Josh said...

Good Morning Vanessa!
Every time I visit your blog I am more than encouraged. It is so wonderful to see someone out there my age who shares the same standards.
I appreciate what you said about being lonely and clinging to the Lord. People think that a relationship will fix their loneliness, when it is only Jesus Christ that will fill our hearts and the void within.
I have learned this lesson but not with a realtionship. While I was asking God about purpose and what he could possibly use me for to further the kingdom, I learned that apart form Him we are nothing. He alone is worth living for, and only He that can fill void and emptiness...

May God bless you abundantly!
Josh

Jacqueline said...

Vanessa, this was such a great post! I've watched many of my close friends go through very successful and Christ honoring courtships and it is SO very true that they aren't like in the books... Every one of their stories are so different and end with such a powerful testimony of God's amazing love and power and how amazing a relationship is when two people let God write their love story. It is such a wonderful witness to everyone who is watching.

Another thing that young people need to realize is that "finding" the "right one" is NOT the goal of our single years. Our goal as single ladies and men is supposed to be serving God and asking how we can further his kingdom. When we have that as our mindset and are completely content with being single and serving the Lord then He will Bring the right person in his timing. I've seen so many young ladies "looking" for the right one without realizing that if they keep they focus off the guys and keep them on Christ, He will bring that special one without any effort on the girls part!

Anyway... Thanks again for your wonderful post!
Blessings to you!
~Jacqueline

Love Unawakened said...

I TOTALLY agree girl!! Im 18 (just graduated) and yes Ive had guys off and on, but never really had a "boy friend". Girls would ask me why not bc truth be told I had been asked out many times. The thing is I hadnt found a guy i coould see myself with. I am in a relationship now. Im not big on dating vs courting, but basically my parents are HIGHLY involved (my choice) and so are his. Weve known each other for a long time and are like best friends. Im not sure if he is "the one", but i do know it is a posibility! It is great to see another young woman standing up for what she believes in! Great job! :)

The Relationship Company said...

I just happen to be passing by when I read your post. Nice post and keep up the good work!