Friday, January 2, 2009

A crush...wrong?


I'm sorry that I didn't get the long anticipated post out sooner, but with the Holiday and plus I woke up yesterday morning with some pretty bad body aches, too painful to type on the computer. So, all that slowed me down!

Alright, I'm going to tackle the question, " Is It OK to Have a Crush on a Guy?" I'm really thankful for all of those who left a comment. They were much appreciated and really helped me think what I should post about. As the first step, lets take a look what the word crush means. Now, there are many definitions to this word, but the one which fits best to what I'm looking for is, "temporary love of an adolescent." Temporary means, "lasting, existing, serving, or effective for a time only; not permanent." Does that already explain a lot to you? This is what I'm getting from it. Why start a crush, when they are ALL practically just temporary. In our days, a crush lasts maybe a few weeks, perhaps, a few months, or maybe almost a year. Ok, a crush is NOT a bad thing. There are many stages a crush can be placed in. First, you see a guy and your heart reaches out (a.) he might be good looking, or (b.) he has a nice personality. The good looking type is not the right thing, there may be a guy who is looking good on the outside, but deep down he is ugly. His heart is rotten, and then what counts, just the looks or the character? My mom has always told me, "don't look on the outside of someone, that person will be old someday, and then the heart is what counts, the personality!" That is true.

Another problem is when you are constantly thinking upon this guy, your thoughts can go further than you intend to, and often they go out of control. Thoughts such as, "marriage, children, house, etc." can all be thought of and that is when a crush is getting WAY out of hand. Danger takes place when you think the future with this guy. All things need a balance, and when things get out of line, it's wrong! If you think of this guy as being helpful in the church, helping the sick, the needy, being a great follower for Christ, loving his sisters and brothers, and honoring his parents, then this is fine. It's when you plan your wedding and so forth. It's all normal to think about your future husband, however, controlling your thoughts can be one of the greatest blessings!

Remember that the most important thing of all is to be content with whatever God wants to do with your life. Perhaps you will get married. Perhaps you won't. As long as you are doing what God wants, then you can be happy and content. You should never allow thoughts about romance and marriage to control your life. You should be willing to serve the Lord in whatever way He wants you to serve, single or married. Your goal in life is never to find "Mr. Right." Your only goal in life is to love and obey God.

Having a crush brings a lot of misery, it wastes your life, it hurts your heart, it can bring holes in a relationship with family/friends, and most of all it can destroy your walk with God if you're not careful! As young adults our minds and body are often misled in the wrong way. We can at times be quickly turned away, especially when a young man comes into the picture, all of our common sense can leave us. It is a normal reaction, but we need to know when and how to turn off those thoughts. Just because you see a guys you might admire doesn't give you the right to fall and develop a senseless crush. You need to stay strong and block out all thoughts which will lead us to sin.

I have had many times where I will see a guy and think,"Oh, he looks cool, or he's pretty neat!" But then deep down, I know that this young man may just seem 'cool' doesn't mean his life is 'cool' or he doesn't respect his mother and father, and I WANT to be treated with respect. I know that the Lord doesn't want me to fix my thoughts upon a man who isn't in the Lord's will. Just because everyone will say it's normal to have those feelings when you see a young man, doesn't give you any excuse to fall!

A big help to guard your heart from a crush is prayer. When a man comes in your life or in your way and if you find something you like about him which isn't right, pray immediately to Christ. Ask him to take away your thought about this man, quote scripture when a nasty thought comes, or sing a song of praise to God. I often think and say to myself, "How could I have been so foolish and like this guy? Or how could I have done that?" I have cried many times in prayer asking for forgiveness, a crush doesn't get you anywhere. The world will tell you it's all NORMAL. It's not! It may be a normal reaction, but it's not normal to get into the next step...flirt. That's when things need to stop! Flirting is a game of purposely wasting your purity! Pray Psalm 51 in your deepest hour, and cry out to your best friend...JESUS!


Allison said...

Wise words Vanessa! This is such a tricky topic, and there are SO many views about what things are "impure" and "pure". But if we are truly following after Jesus and seeking His heart, our desire should be to be as pure as He is, not ask what I can get away with and still be pure. Thanks for your encouragement again! It's so great to have a like-minded friend!

Anonymous said...

This is a good blog, it's kinda like a devotion! Well, Nessa, I agree crushes can be dangerous when you get to the point of putting them in your future. That's kinda dumb to do that anyway - most of the time the girl barely knows the guy! It's funny to me when a girl says "Oh, I just LOVE him!" but she doesn't even know the guy's favorite color. HAHA!!!! I've had many a crush like this - the dangerous type, and it's hard to be pure in a sin-sick world, but we can do it, Jesus is our all and He's more fullfilling than any crush.

Anonymous said...

Great post:) ~Lisa