Friday, August 7, 2009

Doubting My Salvation...Is This You?

Thanks y'all for leaving all those kind comments of wishing me a happy birthday!

Anyways, lately I have had a lot on my mind, and as I was talking with a friend the other day, I mentioned, something which caught my own self to stop and think...
We all slip n' slide, falling when a temptation arises, or perhaps we may have a stronghold of sexual desires, anger, hatred, bitterness, disobedience, rebellion, disrespect, so on and so on. Each one of us differs and nevertheless, we all have one similarity, sin. Sin is often deceiving, portrayed as sweet, Innocent, but the consequence thereafter is poison to our souls. Whatever it may be we will have to pay for the price later on, if not sooner. Now, I don't know about you, but when I sin, I will almost immediately realize it, the moment it happens, my mind goes, "Oh no, I did it again!" I feel rotten, but I know that deep down I can have that peace of just coming to my Savior and asking for forgiveness. Some of us do not know when we sin although, we go on and on, either with repeating the same sinful desire, or perhaps with doing a numerous of wrong doings, and thus these type of people are walking in the same route, not knowing what, where, or how to get out. I had a girl come up to me the other day stating, "Vanessa, I don't think I'm saved, I don't hunger for God's Word, and all I want is to be in His arms, I want to be one of His children, but how?" When we have a sort of doubt within us, we may feel insecure, not safe, confused, and a waster. What is our purpose then? I personally believe that we have no purpose if we are without God, we may think that our life is in complete order, perhaps having all the friends, being popular, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, money, and all those so called perfect necessities of the world. However, all of those things are worthless, they are just temporary, and after a while it begins to get boring again and we all long for something else. Something to cover that empty hole, covering it up, but not just temporary, permanently. What can do that?!

As I was younger, I would often doubt my salvation, I would question myself with the words, "Who am I? What is my purpose? Am I really saved? Is God really alive in my life?" Confusion, yes that is the bare picture of confusion. Satan was trying to deceive me with the thought of, "There is no happiness in this world, it's all dark, and you'll be just going through the rest of your life like this, there is only temporary joy and love." I was frightened, I saw my family deepen in God's love, and I tried to have that same joy of opening the bible each morning, but it was not there. I once stated, "I love God too much." I was thankful for the friend who at once corrected me with saying, "No Vanessa, you can never love God enough!" I was running in a dark pit not noticing it, but only realizing that my love for God was standing on a thin shield of glass. If a trial would come, that glass would shatter and I would go down...for a long time. If you are one of those that doubt your salvation, I ask of you to not wait one more second but fall down on your knees and completely humble yourself in front of God. We need to realize that we are dirty, selfish creatures, totally useless without God's help. Let me make this statement true to you, WE ARE ABSOLUTELY ALONE, NOTHING, HELPLESS, DEAD WITHOUT CHRIST! Please, take a moment and acknowledge this, do not just pass over this, if it speaks to you then all you need to do is cry to God. When I say cry, I mean to let all the burden out, and just give all the bitterness, selfish, hatred, whatever it is away.

I have heard that some people do not want to admit it that the first time they asked God in their life was senseless, it was just out of emotions, and didn't mean nothing. Don't let that be you. You need to get right before Christ, I had to do it more than two times. I dedicated my life back to Him after doubting my salvation many times. I love God so much, I love to read His Word, and the best time of my day is to pray to Him. Just knowing that I can tell Him anything, negative or positive. Many times I'll just be in His presence in tears, shame, however, He accepts me back in His arms, and once I know that I have sinned, I cannot go back there. I want to call it all over, throw those sins away, and ask God to move them away. Satan likes to make you feel as if your sin has ruined you and will stick with you forever. THAT IS BOGUS! The truth is that God picks up that sin and hurls it as far as the east is from the west. He promises us in Ezekiel 18:22, "none of the offenses he has committed will be remembered." Know God's truth, learn His Word, study it because then you can crush Satan's lie with it! Bottom line is, Satan is a BIG FAT LIAR! God wants you in His arms, sin is hurtful and painful. Release all of the lies instilled within yourself. Come to know Christ, He is available 24/7 and wants to hear from you.

You may feel ashamed to enter God's presence, but don't. Confess your sins, you need to do this, realize who is far greater, and that we are low and lost. Perhaps you may think because you have caused a deep and dirty sin God will not accept you because He is perfect. Another lie. Please know that He will take you in when you completely realize that you are a lost sinner, and need a Savior. Once you have done or know this, a change needs to occur. You cannot simply live you life the way you want and ask God to accept you as you are, because He wants you to notice the good from the bad and make the sharp turn. Sin creeps up on us, it may be anything from sexuality, materialism, anger, lust...what is keeping you far from God? Be dead to sin, and alive to Christ.

Scripture is very clear, if you haven't noticed that, then I beg you to deep further in and realize the boldness behind the words. It tells us that we must walk away from anything that hinders our love for God. We need to "throw" off our former way of life. I know, that is easier said than done, and I cannot make the process less painful for you, however, the Bible and God will give you a step-step by plan for walking through it! Do not give God a divided heart, half of the heart wants to continue sin, whereas the other half wants to do holiness. He need the whole heart. We cannot do anything with a half heart, He needs the whole thing to work properly, and He is wanting it all. Please give it to Him, and cry for a revelation, He gives it, if you are willing. Read the Bible, walk it, talk it, and live it. You want to know what will happen to you when you die, correct? Hell is dark, scary, lonely, loud noises, why place yourself there? The heavens declare GOD, we will be in a new earth of no more pain, tears, fears or death. Sounds like paradise? It is, but only through God it can be! Be born again!


Daniel said...

Great post, it is extremely hard taking that first step of give it all to God, but oh is it wonderful to do it. I could go on for a VERY long time about it.

In Christ,

Josh said...

Thank you Vanessa! Your blog has been such an encouragement to me and I'm so glad that I found it!

Again, great post.
Your Brother in Christ,

Bethany said...

Great post! Very though provoking and encouraging.
Your sister in Christ,

Southern Maiden said...

Vani -
It's all true - every single bit of it. I really like how you encouraged everyone to put off their old life! But more importantly, to put on the new. My Mom always tells me that when we get rid of something bad, to replace it with good, other wise we'll miss that empty place being filled, and go back to the bad eventually. I think that's a good illustration.

LaSara said...

Is there some things things you need to understand or something else when you ask him into your heart? I'm not sure if I understand how bad sin is and I how much I need him.

I hope you don't mind me asking more questions?


Maiden of Purity said...


I do not mind any of your questions, I actually love it when people leave me questions. It challenges me and makes me search for the answers!

Alright, as for your question. LaSara, there is nothing else that you have to do. All you need to do is have faith and want a change in your life. Ask God into your heart and mean it from down within. Give him everything and allow Him to control your life. You will have the power to live freely, the power to have pure thoughts, etc. SIN is bad, it is decieving, trying to trick you into thinking it is nothing bad. It will lead you into hell, if you do not confess your sins and ask God into your life. We are NOTHING without God. Completely worthless and dead. We need to be totally dead to sin, not wanting to be part of it, not wanting to do the things of this world and just wanting to live a godly life. Heaven is a place of no sorrow or pain, unlike hell which is dark, cold, loud cryings, and lonely. Don't you want to spend eternity in heaven?! With the ones you love!? You NEED to have a changed heart, willing to say no to sin and excepting trials when they arise but always know that when Christ is in your heart, you will have that protection, it's a feeling that I can't explain.

The other night as I was alone, I cried all my tears out. I had a rough day and just wanted to be in His presence. I cried and cried and poured out my heart. Do that, He wants you in His kingdom and there is nothing he wants from you, just a broken heart, humbled. No gift he requires or works, just a broken and humbled heart! If you have any other questions please contact me more either over blog of email,

I would love to hear from you, and could lead you more into the steps of God. I can't take you there, but I can help and guide you, with reading the bible and wonderful books!