Saturday, July 31, 2010

Through The Raging Seas...

I am not capable of explaining all of the excuses I have, or the issues which have raised over the past many months. It has been a few months since I have posted, and at times I would have posted, nevertheless I have had many controversies, and there have been certain situations which have occurred, and it has brought me to say, that I simply cannot post anymore. I am all too confused with my own life, and my own purpose in this world. At times, I feel as if I have left the precious hand of Christ, and at other times, I feel as if I am right beside him. I know that my Savior loves, He lives, and He is always there for me; my God He was, and my God He's always going to be. I have gone down to believing that my purpose will never be revealed. I have been broken and bewildered about so many thoughts and occurrences. I graduated from high school in the mean time and will be turning 18 in 5 days, and am now on to a different road of adventure and opportunities. Nonetheless, at this point in my life, I cannot see God's will for me. I know that He is there, His grace is greater still, and all of my own choices, mean nothing. His arms are open wide for me, and I'm going and coming to Him each and everyday. My shameful scars, the pain I'm holding, is just going all before Jesus, because I know that I can come as I am. I see many of my friends walking with a clear direction. Going where God is leading them; I, on the other hand, am many times confused, I do not see the light, nor the stars shining. All I see is a tunnel full of darkness and yet many questions and answers which need light. I will not say that the past few months have been literally terrible, because I would be lying, I have been having a wonderful summer, with amazing and strong people to guide me and give me the strength and encouragement I need. However, I really wish that God would hear me again, and that He would acknowledge His servant to be torn and worn out. Nonetheless, without further ado, I have come to the conclusion that I will not continue my previous series. Everything from dating, to courtship, to singleness, and to purity, is something I feel that I cannot discuss with many of you anymore, because I do not have the answers to them. Sometimes I feel as if I'm alone, and God has his hand more on others than myself, however I know that those thoughts are from the evil one, and they are trying to corrupt me and bugle me down. It is a choice for me to either rejoice through a time, or to be entirely depressed and worried. This post may seem as if I'm lost in this world, hurt, and worried, yes that may seem the feeling and to be honest with you, I have felt like that, and sometimes still do. Although I have learned that I need to be strong, stronger than ever, so that I will not be thrown into the high waters, and even if I am, God will reveal the mystery to me. I was told that those who go through such hard times will be blessed beyond all measure. Oftentimes others see the clear direction, and doors are being opened. As for those like me, we cannot see the door, or the windows open, however we may struggle, hard or even harder, nevertheless the reward will be precious because we have endured the trials, and He will be faithful and great things will happen. Those words have been a life savior to me. If I'm about to give up, I remind myself on such words, words spoken by a great and wise friend of mine. I have talked to many, and to one great and strong friend who has been with me through it all. My parents have coached and are coaching me. It is the matter that I continue to stand and not give up. Dear friends, please understand this time of life as a test, and not as curse. God will bring His perfect will, won't He? I believe so, and if I have to wait for 1 year, or for 40 years wandering in the desert, than may it be. As long as I have Christ by my side, I can rejoice and live with joy. It is not easy, often desperate, and I pray that God will hear me, and will reach His arms out to me, but as I wait, I will praise Him. Praise in this storm, praise Him while I wait! The Lord is compassionate to those who are faithful to Him. Even though the storms are raging, I will sing His praise. Because He is too great for that too fail! Trials strengthen a person, I always believed that, and now that I'm going through a waiting period, I believe it with more passion! I know that I am loved by the King, by my parents, even when I try my own will, I am loved by my family, even when I disappoint them, and I am loved by my dear friend who is there with me. Sing, because I know that He will restore me!


Adam said...

Am praying for a Sister in the Lord. :)

Josh said...

Hey Vanessa,
Yes, it has been a while since I read anything from you, but then again, I haven't been posting so much myself recently!

I think I can understand where you are at right now, and want to encourage and exhort you. I was right where you are (perhaps different circumstances)and God delivered me from that pit of dispair! He is faithful, and will never leave nor forsake us.

First, while I don't mean this to sound harsh or unkind, Sat*n wants you to feel like you are drowning in confusion. He wants you to question your worth and purpose. He wants you to twirl and tell yourself you don't know where God is. That is exactly what he wants.

I can tell you from first hand experience, that he "whispers" tiny lies or thoughts into our mind and if we sub-consiously "listen" to those lies He begins to build a stronghold within our mind and hearts and it quickly becomes out of control. It is Sat*n's greatest success to see us stumble and he wants our ruin.

With that in mind, think about the verse in God's word that tells us to take every thought captive.

"...bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the dev*l and he will flee from you." James 4:7

Spiritual warfare is real and I encourage you to read your Bible and study that subject. For me, the turning point was when I came to see that my issue was spiritual and I began to rebuke Sat*n in Jesus' Name that was when the stronghold began to crumble...

With all that being said, God is always with us! He will never leave us nor forsake us, remember that.
Also, this is huge and very hard to grasp but so true.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:7

Trials make us strong. While they can be terrible, if we are praying and clinging to God with everything in us, He can use those very trials to be our redemption and grow us deeper with Him.

While I don't mean to minimize or over simplify the struggles you are having, I do just want to point out something that God has shown me in my own life. God uses the picture of us being sheep and Himself being the Shepard and that is because we need someone to lead us. We need somone to protect us as well. He didn't intend for us to have everything perfectly mapped out, and everything understood clearly. If you think about in the New Testament, when Jesus is calling His diciples, He says: "Follow Me."
Following is being guided. If you knew where you were going and how to get there, you wouldn't need to follow. If you understood everything and could see it all, what is faith? Faith is believing when you can't see and don't understand...

I just encourage you to rest in Jesus. Follow Him and allow Him to take control and guide you. He has purpose for you. You may not be able to see it right now, but have faith! Remember, what is faith if you can see everything?

In His great love and faithfulness, God has taught me how to trust my life to him and allow Him to guide and direct. It is such a place of peace and rest knowing that He cares and will do the best for me. I no longer have to worry about things like purpose and God's will, because I am resting in Him and surrendered to His everlasting faithfulness.

I am praying fervently for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all you ways acknowledge Him in all your ways and He SHALL direct your paths...Persevere my friend!


Josh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle said...

Aw, 'Nessa! You continue to be in my prayers dear friend! I am looking forward to talking to you again soon.
Thank you so much again for the card you sent me--it totally brightened my day! Keep holding on dear one, and keep your eyes on Jesus! Remember it wasn't until Peter took His eyes off Jesus did he begin to sink. I know the Lord is going to bless you for waiting on Him and His timing...although the waiting is hard, He will prove Himself faithful and in time you will look back and see how much you grew through these trials.

You are loved with an everlasting love by your King of Kings, Vanessa! I can't wait to see the amazing things He has in store for you. Keep hangin' in there....the light at the end of the tunnel will soon be seen. :)

Much love,

Peter said...

Hi, Vanessa,
I don't really know you, but I can definitely relate to your predicament.
I'm so glad that you are finding at least some comfort in clinging to God through this trial. I know what it's like to feel without a purpose, and like you don't know what to do, and I can assure you that it will eventually pass. It's probably mostly just the Enemy attacking you and, like Josh said, trying to make you doubt your worth.
And it's okay if you feel like you don't have all the answers to'll get them in time.

Rachel said...

I don't know you, but I love your blog and I'm praying for you anyway. May God show you what He wants you to know, and give you peace. You are so precious to Him!
Love a sister in Christ, Rachel

Rachel R. said...

Hello, this is another Rachel that does not know you, but I just found your blog, and your post is exactly what I am going through!! And like you I know that the devil wants us to feel that God is nowhere near and is not listening. It is so hard to pray when you feel he is not listening! But my pastor has said that when you feel like that- persevere and keep praying. I am going into my 12th year, and like you, I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, and where I am going. I just want God's will, but I don't know what that is. So all I have been praying is that I would be right with Him, and that everything is surrendured to Him. All I can think is to be faithful where I am, because that is all I can do. Anyways..I feel strange going on when I don't even know you, but reading your post encouraged me, and you sound like your right where your sopossed to be. Your being faithful, your staying close to your parents, and trusting the Lord. God bless you, Vanessa!! I will be praying!! Stay faithful, and I know the Lord will show us his will in his time if we just stay faithful.

Binu said...

Thanks for allowing me to read your post. Your life speaks loud and very determined to follow God's direction. That is great! God bless you!!

Paige's Page said...

Praying for you Vanessa!

Jessica D said...

Hello there Vanessa,*
I know my post is really past the time of your last post, but I know my God is Sovereign and so it's right when it is meant to be. It's that way in life.

I, like you, have just graduated and, being a fan of "So Much More" myself, am not going off to college or dating either *_*. Just remember, the Bible tells us that no temptation that we face is new to us. I don't know all the details of your struggles, but remember that God shows His might when we are weak! Believe you me, I am! Although the particular direction of our life may appear to be incredibly vague there are a plenty of things to busy us till we know and there is one theme that you seem to cling to already (Jesus Christ): Memorizing God's Word, reaching out to the lost, feeding the poor, praying for our families and our homeland! I challenge you (the nearly complete stranger that I am :) not to let yourself be idle enough that you can worry. Jesus said not to worry! And not because everything is clear, but because He will take care of His children! I have found such peace in the fact that when Peter's faith was failing Christ lifted Him. It's not my faithfulness which will carry me, it's His. And, if you're His, then He will lift you too!
I have been very depressed myself, but God has brought me through, cheer up my sister, God cannot fail!

His Jessica

*You may never see this comment, but if you do, I invite you to come on over to my blog and leave a comment and tell me how things are for you, now that time has passed.

John L. said...

WOW. I am a Chrisian, but this stuff seems a little crazy to me. Anyway, if it's what you think is right and where God is leading you, then stay that course. Follow what you believe is right above all else.