Friday, July 10, 2009

Flirty Girls! Flirty Guys!

I will mention one of the discussions I had with my friend last night, thus, that will be something concerning the topic and broad aspect of purity.

Yesterday night my friend and I had a conversation addressing the fact of guys and girls and the way they interact with each other. I also had the talk of how many of us have the inside desire to get married, and if God wills it then it will occur. It also does sadden me at how many girls/guys will be careless about their actions. Now, I know, that I have had talked about this many, many times and really do not need to constantly shove it down y'all's throat, however, it is something that I could talk about ALL the time. Basing it upon God's laws, and I really love to get in either a debate about this or a discussion with others and learn their perspective on things such as this. It's a bothersome to me when girls and guys are flirting with each other, and how many of them treat each other with disrespect, and to be honest and true with y'all, many don't realize that they are being disrespectful! To be blunt and bold, a guy and girl who are acting immoral, and with impurity, that is no sign of respect, if they would hold the plate of respect, then they would not be flirting and playing around with each other because they are concerned and want to hold their purity for the right one.

I have had situations in the past that I will unintentionally act or talk with a guy, and nevertheless, they will begin to have the thought and the impression that Vanessa is flirting around with them. Not too long ago I actually did something quite out of the ordinary. I personally went up to a young man and asked him if I was treating him alright, and if my joking and kidding around was fine with him. Now girls, we may do this with our 'girlfriends' and they will take it fine, nevertheless, a guy has a different mind. He might be thinking thoughts of how this girl likes him, and is just acting to get his attention. Thus, I felt and had the inner voice within me from God saying, "Go up to this young man and ask him if what I'm doing is fine." I sure did that, and it was hard because I had to get over my comfort zone and take the step of addressing him bluntly and saying, "Is it ok that I'm kidding around with you? Because I do know that some guys take this in the wrong side of the throat."

Now, I will give y'all three reason why flirting is wrong.

1. Ok, flirting may feel good and fun, with lots of excitement and it leads to destruction without notice, and thus that is wrong.

2. Flirting allows us to often take a relationship and perhaps grow into it, and then realizing it was never meant to be.

3. Flirting creates thoughts within us that cause sinful emotions, wrongful actions, and not noticing that you are actually using your mind and actions without caution and creating a pocketful of hurtful feelings.

In addition, flirting is the onset of impurity, and causing the opposite gender to fall. Everyone tends to flirt in a different way. Altogether, it's biblical wrong, and to play around with the other gender in an impure way, is causing him/her to have the wrong thoughts and emotions. I try hard to stay away from things that will make me fall, and something like this is where I still stumble upon often. God works in us, and we need to be willing to give our heart to Him, and let Him use it for His purpose. Flirtatious actions are fitfully wrong and are not to be done in our single years, being married is a different story, but while being a single person in the Lord Jesus Christ, we need to glorify and give Him our attention only!


Southern Maiden said...

Yes Nessa, we DO need to focus on God. That's what always quickens me when I tend to waver - "Remember to focus on the One that loves you most," I tell myself. Flirting is so needless - it's dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would like to know a guy's perspective on something like this... How does it make y'all feel when girls are acting all flirty and so forth! Be blunt and make it detailed because I KNOW it's wrong, but I would really like to hear what guys are actually thinking when girls flirt with them?

Joshua said...

Hey Vanessa, another good post! Just to chime in here about how guys take joking/kidding, it really depends on the extent of the joking. I love to joke around with my friends but I myself have to be careful with the way I do things. I know that as as guy, if I see girls joking or kidding with me every chance they get, it comes across as forward or "flirty." I like to joke and I like it when others do, but too much can indeed give an impression of, "maybe he/she likes me." If I get that impression, then I also have to think that others may get that impression from me, so I have to try and be careful that I don't tease someone too much.

To answer your question Southern Maiden, it makes a guy feel uncomfortable. I start thinking, "oh no, what did I do to make her like me?!?!" I also start thinking that I may have failed to be pure in the way I acted some how. So yeah, it's ackward and uncomfortable for a guy when a girl is being flirty.

Daniel said...

Really good post, I would also add that it is frequently leading someone on, and therefore lying.

I would agree with Josh, it is uncomfortable, and it's also annoying because I don't always know that they are flirting. Which I then respond in kind to a degree (which in some cases that action may be fine with some people...) and then it goes deeper...


Elena said...

Awesome post!!! You point out so many good points!! I have found myself talking with guys and then later it's like "Did I give this guy the impression that I liked him??". And that's not what I wanted to do. So a question for the guys: is it sort of obvious whether or not a girl a flirting or just talking and joking??

Allison said...

Good thoughts Vanessa! :)

Moriah said...

Wonderful post Vanessa! You are totally right.

Anonymous said...


Good question! Since I'm a guy, I view things as such quite different than you girls. When I see a girl flirting with me I feel a little bit weird, and the situation gets awkward. I want girls to be just normal with me, and not acting as is they have to be someone else. However, a girl who is joking or just kidding around is often cool and funny, but there is also a fine line between that. If she gets over the line and begins to do more joking and more playing around, I feel as if she is trying to get my overall attention. I like it when girls talk to me, but once again, like all things, done in moderation. I don't just go up to a girl and begin talking of EVERYTHING, because I don't want to come across as 'girl crazy'! So, yes when girls talk to me, it's fine, but doing it ALL the time, is annoying and kinda gives the impression that she's crazy about me or whoever. And joking around is fine, but just as Vanessa said, make sure if your behaivor is pleasing to God, and even asking the guy if this bothers him. That's hard, but also asking is better than going to far and messing up the friendship. Hope that helped!


Josh said...

I totally agree! Thank you!