Friday, June 19, 2009

Reasons For Not Hugging a Girl/Guy

My previous post was giving my general opinion and point about why I believe hugging girls/guys is wrong and inappropriate. Now, I will point a few facts of exactly why it is all wrong.

1. Hugging the opposite gender is first and foremost inappropriate because it brings the message across as, impure and it is far from being blameless.

2. Girls, when we put guys in that moment, we are causing them to stumble mentally and physically, and it will put them into an awkward situation.

3. Guys, now, I'm not a guy, although since I am a girl, I know what it does to me when you hug a girl from the front. I often will get the impression, "He likes me!" It also works with our mind and it will at moments distract me from what I should be thinking.

4. Giving a hug to the other gender can often implant sinful thoughts, and what if we are hugging a guy/girl who is trying to stay physically and mentally pure, we have just caused them to fall down.

5. Girls and guys, when we are hugging a guy/girl from the front, and when he/she is putting his/her arms around you, just think of all the impurity and immorality taken place at perhaps those 2 seconds.

6. A side hug can be fine, and yet, just a little bit here and there can lead into a total disaster. Why place yourself into a iffy situation and feeling?

7. Hugging a guy/girl is also showing the wrong impression. Perhaps we don't plan at all to come across as sensual or impure, nevertheless, people cannot read our mind and thoughts, thus, even if we don't mean it to be wrong, it can come across as that.

8. When approaching a guy/girl, instead of taking the arm out, stretch out your right hand for a shake, if that would make you feel better, and still not trying to come across as rude. Our bodies are not meant to be touched by every person.

9. Now, this is for girls...when you are hugging a guy, what is he feeling? Yes, this is bold and yet the bare truth, his mind is racing at different emotions, when for us it might not even bother us. We are sending feelings, and 'messages' to him, and are causing some one's future husband to fall!

10. Thus, I'm not saying that hugging is a total sin, it is NOT! Just be careful with how you are giving, or how you are posing your body. Come to a point that you will discern and do all things with purity, and being blameless. Do not come up to a guy/girl with the thought or idea to intentionally cause him/her to fall. A guy's emotions and feelings in an area like this, are ten times stronger than a girls. He struggles with this, and we as girls need to be alert and not purposely trip him.

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman." 1 Corinthians 7:1
This verse is for those unmarried, and it also qualifies for you girls as well!


Ëarwen said...

Good post!

Katie said...

Great ways Vanessa!
For me a hug means much more then just a simple hi/bye. If it did just mean that why would I even bother. I hope a hug means more to people then a simple hi/bye. In Romans 16:16 it says "Greet one another with a holy kiss." This means that we are to greet one another purely, but from the heart. Hugging a young man has never been an option for me. I see no need, or have any want to hug a young man.
Like you said Vanessa you have to consider what it makes the person receiving the hug feel like.
You did a great job on this post.
Thanks for the great reminded of how important it is to think before we act!

Allison said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly, and thank you for sharing!

You've mentioned how we need to be careful about giving hugs because we want to make sure we aren't causing them to stumble, but to be honest, I think it would easily be a stumbling block for me if I went around hugging guys.

I understand that each family has different convictions and I respect that. I just don't personally feel comfortable with hugging any guys; doesn't matter if I haven't seen him in years or any other case! I've never hugged guys other than adults (that have hugged me), not even guys cousins! (I only have one male cousin anyway)

Like you said Vanessa, not that hugging is a sin, but we want to strive for purity of heart and mind and honor the Lord in all we think, say, and do, as well as not do things to cause others to stumble.

Have a blessed weekend! :)

Anonymous said...

great post!
not that i'm at all the huggy kind of person! i pretty much only hug my girl friends, and that's pretty rare too... and i hug my brothers even less!
but really, vanessa, you sound sooo much like leslie ludy does in her books! God bless!

Joshua said...

Hey Vanessa, for some reason I didn't see this post until today...anyway, just wanted to say you did a great job! I think one of the reasons that there are so many problems with young people in this area is because they don't understand what certain actions can cause the other guy/girl to think about or struggle in. For some people it may be harder than for others, but we aren't to defraud one another, and the whole hugging thing can certainly lead to that! We need to make sure that our actions are pleasing to Christ first, and also edifying to the body of Christ.

Michelle said...

Hello Vanessa! Thank you so much for the comment on my blog! I'm so sorry for just now replying ...things have been super busy lately!

Anyway, great post and you wrote out some good points. I have actually never thought this much about hugging guys until recently. Since I don't really do it unless it's an adult or a guy a know really well, my parents and I are fine with a very quick side hug to say hi/bye if I'm already hugging everyone else standing right there. (but certainly no extended side hugs!) Maybe it's just b/c our family is Italian and we are very warm friendly people and a very quick side hug is just what we do to say hello and means nothing! ;) But again, like you said, we should be very careful to make sure we are not making others to stumble through our actions so I think it would depend on the entire situation and the people involved.

I appreciate your heart for purity and it's been a blessing "meeting" you here and reading some of your posts!

May the Lord bless and keep you!

jen said...

Hello There,
I wanted to know your view on hugging the disabled. I was at church (I am new to it) and met this mentally disabled young man. I introduced myself and shook his hand but when i reached over the pew to shake his hand he hugged me for about 3 seconds. I didnt see it coming it sort of trapped me. I know with my experience being around the handicapped that they are very affectionate and loving so I was wondering how I should handle that. I really thought of him as the likeness of a child or my neice or nephew so I didnt think about it until later and its weighing on my mind. I would love to know your view on this. If you could email me that would be great!


Southern Maiden said...


I've been in the exact situation before. Ya know, with someone like that, it's not a big deal. But if you really feel uncomfortable, you could make sure your Dad/big brother/Mom knows about it and stay close to them so you won't always be put in a situation like that. But when the guy hugs you, as you know, he won't see anyting wrong with it, because mentally disabled people ARE naturually affectionate. It depends on the person, but if you think that guy will understand, you can ask your Dad/big brother or even another older relation to go and explain to this young man. Just remain pure of heart, sober, and shamefaced, as in 1 Timothy 2:9 and Titus 2:4. Ü

Maiden of Purity said...


My dad worked with the mental disabled people before, and thus I do remember having many of them be very affectionate and very warm with hugs and sometimes even kisses. When conversing with these people our attitudes and affection to them will normally change, that is if we are kind to them. These type of people want attention, and I earn to give it to them. They are often alone and feel left out from everyone else, and thus giving them a hug, guy or girl, is fine in my eyes. Nevertheless, they often do not know what they are thinking of and may at times pursue to do something else without you knowing what it may be, thus I would say, just be careful with these people at all times.

Jen, showing love and kindness to the metally disabled is what God wants us to do. Being kind and treating them with love and respect. I would say that giving a hug and showing that you care is totally fine, and it will make either a young man or woman very happy and feel like you do care!

You don't have to worry about losing your purity, because God knows your heart, and if you intend to do all things with purity and with a blameless attitude then I count it all fine!

I hope this has helped you?!


Anonymous said...

So...... what you are saying is you shouldn't hug at all? When God said it is good for a man not to touch a woman I think he meant in a sexual way. Telling young girls this makes them feel like Their body is dirty. If it was , why would God make it? He didn't call Satan to make a woman. He made her himself. As long as you aren't touching him sexually it shouldn't be a problem. I have been talked to twice about this now. I am a very affectionate person, is it fair to punish me for it? People shouldn't turn hugs into a huge problem, it's not. Were you a nun at any time? Just asking.

Anonymous said...

Teenagers are not ruled by hormones they do have some self control. The reason most of them are so messed up is when they look for guidance they get persecuted.